What If
by Amvonz
Summary: Out here, past the training grounds and the gear and the formalities and the political navigation that was the Scouting Legion, here, far from all of that, his mind acted as though there was no other world. He fought it, but all he thought of in these woods was of the scar behind her knee and her face right after waking up, or the lift of her brows when she smiled.


Levi spotted her at the edge of the forest, recognized the shade of her hair and the contour of her body from a mile away. She stared back. She'd been scanning the military grounds for the past half hour, hoping against hope he would meet with her.

She was leaning against a tree, hands behind her, dressed in plain pants and a blouse. Like always he came in his emblazoned jacket, cravat and all.

He walked ahead into the forest without pausing for her, but Petra smiled anyway, glad to see he'd managed to get the day off as well. They never spoke of the extra effort that went into bumping into each other during their morning strolls. They just showed up.

Petra caught up quickly, leaping over fallen logs and skirting jagged rock until she walked in step with her Captain.

They didn't speak. They spoke every single day, in his office going over strategic plans, in the dining hall, during training, giving and receiving orders. To be alone and in silence carried a heavy intimacy better suited for places out of their comrades' reach. The woods gave them the privacy needed for the guarded act of doing nothing - no pretenses.

It had rained the night before, and everywhere they stepped the scent of rainfall exploded underfoot, as if it were hiding in the earth, waiting for the next storm.

It was still early and the brisk weather kept Petra's cheeks a raw red. The white rays of early sunlight streaked through the forest's canopy. Levi's inky hair was swept back with a breeze, exposing the handsome line of his forehead. Petra studied the slope of his nose down to his mouth and his grey eyes met hers. She only smiled, any embarrassment she felt around him having faded a while ago.

They strolled past a stream, and followed the water until they reached the edge of the tree line. Past the edge of the small forest, the land crested into a hill that rolled down into amber fields. They walked ahead, looking down into the slow sloping valley, mountains framing the background.

Petra sighed and squatted onto her haunches, eyes scanning the plains.

"If we ever get rid of those titans, I'm going to give my father a house in a spot just like this one."

Levi glanced at her through the corner of his eye, but Petra kept her gaze on the imaginary house nestled in the golden grass. He didn't doubt she would build her father an entire palace with her own two hands if she could.

Still with that haze over her eyes, Petra opened her mouth.

"Where would you want to live if we defeated the titans?"

She didn't catch the tired heave of his chest, the restrained sigh.

"Who the fuck knows."

She sat down and crossed her arms over her knees, resting her chin there. After a moment of thoughtful quiet she spoke.

"You would live on top of a mountain, I imagine, so no one can bother you. Like a witch from a storybook."

"Hm."

He kept his eyes on the distant horizon, and imagined himself in a shack at the very tip of those white peaks.

"Won't you sit?" Petra laid her hand flat against the earth beside her, inviting him.

No, he wanted to keep moving. Away from picturesque scenery and dreamlike skies. Perhaps back into the forest, or even better, back to headquarters. The thoughts Petra lingered on, the thoughts she provoked in him, were pointless, stupid, and dangerous.

Out here, past the training grounds and the gear and the formalities and the political navigation that was the Scouting Legion, here, far from all of that, his mind acted as though there was no other world. He fought it, but all he thought of in these woods was of the scar behind her knee and her face right after waking up, or the lift of her brows when she smiled. Must be something in the air.

Perhaps it was weak of him - he certainly wouldn't consider it very strong of any other soldier - but he let the sparkle of her eyes hook into him and he relented, sitting down beside her at the precipice of the hill, their backs to the forest.

"It's so beautiful out here. You can almost forget about everything."

His lips thinned and from the periphery of his vision he saw Petra shrug, as if to herself, and turn her gaze outward.

"My father could even have his own farm out here, with all this land. Cows and horses and hogs."

Levi's lip curled and he looked toward the twin stream on the other end of the valley, wondered whether anyone else in the Scouting Legion knew about it.

"I'd fill the whole house with birds. Every room would have at least one cage, so there will always be music. And I'd keep all the doors and windows open so the good air from the mountains can come into the house."

"You'd live there with your father?" She fought back a grin, pleased that he'd finally decided to engage with her.

"Of course. He would need help with the farm."

"Help with what? Plan on rolling around in pig shit and feeding the animals?" His mind already envisioned her in a milkmaid's apron, rising before the sun to throw feed at the hens, her hair in braids, blue ribbons running through the plaits.

"Well, yes!"

"Don't spew such nonsense, Petra. You're a soldier, not a farmhand. I thought you wanted to study medicine as a child."

She tucked her face behind her crossed arms, and Levi just knew that she was trying to hide a smile.

"Well, what if I became a doctor out here in the country side?"

It was all in the wording. She was teasing him now. He remained silent.

In truth, she found it amusing how quickly he'd fallen into their game of make-believe despite his earlier resistance.

"You're right, I did want to study medicine. I think that's what I'll do. Even hermits who live in magical mountain caves need a doctor now and then."

He hesitated at the question that popped into his mind, still uncomfortable with this fantasy game, but he'd been so curious for so long now.

"Do you want children?"

Her head snapped back right away, eyes meeting his. She seemed a bit startled. No one, not even Petra, would expect Levi to ever consider children. And she was right to think so.

"Maybe." She turned her face away and looked over the rolling hills, and for a split moment Levi worried that he'd upset her. But when she glanced back at him, a warm smile played on her lips.

"I do like children. I suppose I've had enough practice looking after all of you."

He just raised his brows in response, an odd expression of agreement.

Silence fell over them again, the rustle of leaves haunting their backs, wind rushing through tall, unkempt grass whistling in the distance. The sun was finally warming up, gold washing over the earth when she spoke again.

"Do you want children?"

"As long as I don't have to raise them around pig shit and filthy birds, I suppose I wouldn't mind having a couple of brats."

Levi didn't find the chance to breathe before she was pressing her mouth against his, her hands cupping his face.

That was as far as Levi dared venture into his memory, breath catching in his throat when he recalled the friction of her lips against his, how she'd pulled away from the kiss and whispered happy fantasies into his ear. And he'd swallowed it all. Like an idiot, he ate it up.

His arm ached, and his head hurt, but nothing had really changed. Moonlight flooded the valley, still beautiful, still overflowing with tall grass and glimmering with thin streams. The forest still held birds and rats and the mountains were as purple and white as ever. The titans still roamed outside - they still roamed inside. It was just the same as that morning, he'd just let himself be blind to it for a rose colored day.

Levi stood, ready to return to his room, away from the nostalgia soaked spot. There were many things he regretted. He wished his squad hadn't died. Wished he'd managed to arrive in time to help. Wished they'd been able to contain the female titan.

But mostly, he wished he hadn't sat down with her that day - he should have turned around and gone back to his room. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.


End file.
